To be Cringe is to be Free
wisdom from an elder millennial who wore business casual to the club
Somewhere among the dusty shelves of my parents home, there exists a VHS tape. The tape in question? A Day in the Life of Cool People. It was me and my best friend Contessa on a grainy tape we recorded on my parents camcorder that was the size of a small schnauzer. What compelled us to think we were interesting enough to record ourselves fucking around and talking, who knows?! Yet there we were, in my room, talking about ourselves. There is something to be said about that degree of confidence that came from not knowing what it meant to ‘go viral.’ We didn’t know of that permanent landscape called the internet. We were allowed to be embarrasingly normal teen girls without worrying about how the world would perceive us.
I’ve been seeing this titkok trend where it’s millennial wedding this, and millennial burger joint that. These trends point fun at our clothes, our burlap weddings with mason jars, our obsession with mustaches. We have become the butt of the joke because we were (and are) “cringe.” We live in ruthless time where cynicism reigns supreme and earnestness is seen as something to mock.
BUT MY GOD THERE IS FREEDOM IS BEING CRINGE. THERE IS FREEDOM IN BEING A FUCKING NERD ABOUT SOMETHING.
We are at this cross roads in the rise of fascism and conservatism and the ever seeing, ever present panopticon of social media. Not only do we have to worry about state surveillance, but we also have to worry about being surveilled by our own peers. Combined that with the ‘main character syndrome’ and we got a perfect storm of a boring and beige existence. As the ‘main character’ you have a constant and perpetual ‘audience’ observing your existence, we observe our own life through the lens of our screen. Our own existence filtered through the idea that someone is perceiving it. With this constant audience we grow so afraid of messing up. We worry that any misstep in our very human, very flawed existence will get us to be cancelled, ridiculed, or be made into a LOLcow .
With a growing oppressive sociopolitical landscape, it is understandable to not want to stand out, to not want to get attention. So we strive to make ourselves a palatable mush. To be the human equivalent of motherfucking oatmeal. Fascism wants us to be smaller (hello, rise of ED culture, goodbye body acceptance). Fascism wants us to blend in (hello instagram face). In a fascist world it may seem safe to blend in and look like everyone else. But at what cost?
There is so much to be gained in accepting the cringe, and the biggest one is an authentic life. Disney adults get a lot of hate, and although it’s not my bag, I wonder why? here are adults who have enough money to spend and go to Disney, and they get to have fun. Are they more over excited than I would be, yeah, but you know what..who gives a fuck. They harm no one and appear to be very happy. If you don’t have the money (who does) to buy a disney pass you may be asking yourself, what is my thing? What is the thing I would love to get super into?
Embracing the Authenticity
I work with moms, dads, millenials, and boomers who have lost their way from their childlike authentic self. The grind of growing up in this country and caretaking will grind our identity down. When my clients say “I don’t even know what I like” I like to follow up with “what did you like as a kid?.” There was a time in your life where you were allowed to be super excited about things. Have you ever talked to a kid about roblox, dinosaurs, or pokemon? THEY GET INTO IT, and we let them. We let them get into it because we don’t want to squash their light. So the first step is to go back in time and remember what lit you up as a child. I for one LOVE LOVE LOVE halloween. Always have..always will. So I go all out, I do all things spooky from September to October. I do the absolute most and my inner goth girl is delighted. My inner goth girl is the one I try to cater too. She tried too hard to be a badass that she didn’t really allow herself whimsy. She also was too broke to shop at hot topic so she couldn’t go balls to the wall goth. So I indulge her with tattoos, spooky movies, easter baskets, polly pockets, and colorful markers.
Another way to embrace authenticity is to learn to identify what an embodied yes feels like. Here’s a little exercises to get an idea of what an embodied yes is:
think of a food you hate, a food that you’ve eaten and absolutely disgusts you. (mine is liver)
Notice your face. Did it scrunch up? Did you notice yourself pull into yourself? Did you grimace? You may have notice your body contract into itself.
Now, think of a food you absolutely love. A food that just rocks your worlds. (mine is a fresh toasted baguette with butter and preserves with tea).
Did you notice your body relax? Did you feel softness in. your face ? your shoulders drop
THAT is an embodied yes. Your body communicates what it wants and what it delights in. We live in a world that constantly demands from us and constantly denies us joy. Shit, we can’t even enjoy things without trying to commodify it. There always needs to be something produced for some kind of financial gain. It’s exhausting to tie everything we do to an audience or to productions
To Be Cringe is to be Free is to be Authentic
There is so much to be gained in giving less fucks and embracing your earnestness. Since our world tends to be so cynical its easy to become a curmodgeon. To default to being a grump or criticizer is easy but tiresome. It' takes effort to be a hater, but to be authentic is to live a life that is more relaxed. This is because you’re going with your grain as opposed to fighting it. There is psychological distress that arises from denying yourself.
I just recently finished reading Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price and let me tell you what an amazing book for Autistics and Allistics alike. What stood out to me about this book is the heaviness and weight in masking to belong in a world that doesn’t welcome you. Dr Price speaks of Value Based Integration process to help Autistics in the process of unmasking. It is the process of revisiting moments in your life that lit you up.
step one: identify 5 moments in your life that made you feel or think “man if it was always like this, life would be perfect”
step two : identify the key words and values that stick out as you describe these moments
step three: ask your self if you are living your life in a way that is aligned with these values.
We get so wrapped up in our own internal panopticon that we don’t realize that we are both the guard and the prisoner. Break free bitch, be weird, be earnest, be yourself.